This is the best PPP can BOAST OFF !

I am speculating on the progress report the sitting government will present in front of the public on the eve of their 1st year in power. I deduce it will look like this:-

Dear All,
The People of Pakistan, I will initiate this report by saying the sacred words – BB Zinda Hai! Likewise, I am not going to start with the Islamic greeting of "Assalamalaikum" because Pakistan is conquering new heights of modernization and we cannot stall it by using the lingo used by our enemies. As a matter of fact, Our President has opened new horizons of modernization and flirt for the Pakistani men to shake hands with ladies indecently as long as they yearn anywhere and everywhere.

In the coming year, addition in indirect taxation, addition in OGDC's profit, and several more steps will be taken to ensure that the supplication, "Long Live the Bhuttos", become a certainty because the Bhuttos wont be able to last long without your constant financial support. Therefore, Mr. President is deciding to take concrete steps in this regard and planning to issue a 10% Bhutto tax on anything that can be sold.
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Coming back to the agenda, it's my pleasure to announce the progress report which will highlight our achievements only for the year 2008-2009, as we are not capable for making failures. Firstly and fore mostly, BB Zinda Hai! Therefore, we do not need to bring the culprits to the court as the opposition is demanding. Their demand is bizarre, but as they are Pakistani citizens we have decided to assist them with a psychiatrist on gratis. Furthermore, we are also not wasting the time of our respectable courts because they have better things to do such as the Sharif Brothers eligibility case.

Secondly, the current government is pleased to announce that it has increased the employment rate in the country. Unquestionably, you would have heard through the media that we have re-instated all those government employees with full benefits who had lost their jobs after Benazir Bhutto lost power in the 1990's. Moreover, we are against the hypothesis that people should be taught to catch the fish rather than to serve them in plates. Therefore, the government has taken concrete steps by launching the Benazir Income Support Plan where poor ladies are eligible to receive Rs. 1000 per month. This scheme is NOT ACCOUNTABLE as we have bought the National Accountability through NRO.

Thirdly, through the efforts of the current government, petrol prices have come down all over the world. The world should be thankful to the Bhuttos for that, the next step is to deliberate on bringing the petrol prices low in our country too. We know people are demanding the petrol should be cheaper because in the international market the rate is below $ 30/barrel. The reason for the delay in taking decision is that we don’t believe in the old theory that a good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Honestly speaking, as we always do, we have reached at a very confusing stage. As gas prices and petrol prices are already too near that it is causing inconvenience. The only solution is to reduce OGDC'S profit but that will make things worse because Mr. Shaukat Tarin won't be able to pay IMF then and it will put the core agenda of the nation -i.e. the Bhuttos should live long- to a precarious point.

Fourthly and importantly, we have decided to be friends with our enemies as we are sociable people. Therefore, we have decided not to take Musharraf to court for abductions and torture of “Missing People”, sabotaging the democratic process and rule of law, and for internal military violence. MQM is also not going to be taken to court for the May 12 2008 massacre and for those cases also where they killed our several members. Moreover, although BB said that Chaudary Iftthikar is her Chief Justice, but as democracy prevails in this country now, we decide not to re instate him as the majority in power don’t want him because he has the tendency to snatch our personal souvenir which we received from Mr. Musharraf – NRO. We believe The Honourable Judge, Mr. Dogar, is the best person for this job.

Fifthly and lastly, there is no inflation and the energy crisis is not such that media should cry about it. Media is playing a negative role, but we will not put curbs on it because we believe in free media. Therefore, load shedding will continue at all times, even when the best current affairs shows are on air, we believe "in equality".

People of Pakistan, we know you appreciate our work and will remain to vow silent even if you get to the point where you will drown in your homes. We thank you immensely for this gesture and commitment towards our cause of making Bhuttos live longer. Jiye Bhutto!

Regards,
PPP Jiyala,
Minister for Progress Reports and Bhutto Livelihood Scheme

I believe such progress reports will urge people to make moves for a change, YES WE CAN!